so, I am back at school.  I haven't had a chance to update since my last blog since that is when school got out, sooooo

I am just chillin.  A lot has happened since the last time I blogged.  I dated a guy, he got waaaaay too attached and I wasn't feeling the same way, plus he did something that I can't forgive him for, so I broke up with him.  I feel really bad about it, because I know how he feels, but I don't want to hurt him more.  such is life I guess.

Anyway, I have now decided to abstain from men.  And how I am doing it isn't very good, because I am just bashing them, and try to remember all of my horrible experiences.  My roommate told me about her experience with a woman, and I found myself jealous.  so I am exploring this side of myself for now.  I mean, I have always found women attractive sexually (one of my top fantasies) and that, but I have been wondering what it would be like to actually date a woman.  would it really be better then men?  could I open up to them more, would they understand mebetter?  could I actually make them happy?  I have no idea how to go about finding the answers to these questions, but I really want to try.  I don't know, maybe I am just being spoiled or stupid again.  I do a lot of that.  it seems that whatever I am passionate about is stupid.  I mean, ppl groan whenever I open my mouth.  I just, care about stuff.  Like my major, I love my major.  and there is stuff I want to figure out about it, so I talk it out.  The same goes with my spirituality.  and I am a veg, so ppl make fun of me all of the time about that, and some days, I am just not capable to deal with it and not get defensive.  and some of the jokes ppl make, about women getting hit or minorities or lbgt students, I just hate them.  why do ppl think that stuff is so f$cking funny?  it isn't, and I just can't hold myself back somtimes. I mean, I am not perfect you know?  I wish, with my whole heart that i could be perfect to ppl, but I just can't.  I just can be perfect for someone, or many someones.  I don't know, my mind is a mess.  maybe sleeping will help.