Days like the past few are ones worth living for.  They are the ones that keep me from swallowing the pills, cutting myself with a razor and all of those other reach out things.  Ok, so I met a lot of people.  I was nervous as hell (anxiety disorder...) but they were such cool people that they made me feel like I could be calm around them, not so uptight.  Like they weren't all that judgemental.  1.  Art.  Art is a CSE major, and smart as hell about politics and of course computers.  He thinks that vegetarians are cool, because they are a cheap date.  Thats the kind of guy I like, one who understands, even if the reasons are a little off.  2.  The people at take back the night.  Even though I am not a victim of sexual assault, these ppl actually embraced the support, not shun it away because I don't know how it feels.  Those women were the strongest most beautiful women I have ever seen.  I hope that they know that.  3.  Karrie.  Ok, so I knew Karrie from high school, but I actually talked to her on sunday when my teacher visited, like really talked.  I felt like a had a friend who was a girl again.  And it felt so comfortable.  4. Megan.  Ditto, except I met her this year at school  5.  Terry Link.  Him and everyone I met at bailey today through the bike repair class and softball.  They were all so great.  so accepting and so happy.  man they are great.

     Yeah, so my high school teacher (the embodiment of a perfect man) came on sunday.   It was great to see him again.  He made me laugh and smile, but I realized something.  I missed him a lot, but I don't need him like I thought I did.  I just have to get out there, and meet people.  but it is soo hard.  ppl hate me, I wish I could just make a good impression, and act nice to ppl.  instead I am soooo fricken nervous that I say two word sentences and, it is just bad.  So I stick with doing my homework.  but that is depressing.  So, it puts me in this catch 22.  Hanging out with megan helps, because we have a lot in common, even though she can be a bit annoying, but it is annoyingly happy.  She is so happy, it is great.  I foudn that I have to surround myself with positive ppl.  well the ppl that were positive at the beginning of the year aren't anymore, so now, I have to rebuild.  Slowly, hopefully I can.